The Pasquini Family Blog

A Families Journey of Life & Love

A Dr. Phil Moment

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I have a lot to blog about I know, a lot of wonderful things have happened in my life in the last few weeks, tiny hands, tiny feet, and joyful moments with family. What is greater in this world than welcoming home a new little life?Welcome Lucca I can’t wait to get to know you!

Since I could go on all day, I won’t, I just wanted to make a note of something that struck me as profound. I got home from work tonight and my wife and I were talking about work, life, raising kids… you know normal family stuff. And it was amazing because both our little ones were in bed, and even Lucca was sound asleep, it was blissfully quiet. But I looked up and on the paused screen of our TV there was a quote by a Sociologist at the University of Arizona claiming that women had 30-40 hours of leisure time as stay at homes mom per week. This was on the Dr. Phil show. I was intrigued. Although I would usually balk at the thought of using leisure time to watch a recorded episode of Dr. Phil I thought this would have to be interesting. Plus my wife and I were talking about this idea about stay at home mom’s and working husbands, and the challenges of being home all day with two very little children. It was a fascinating episode with a lot of hardy debate. But at the end of the show they gave a moment to a young couple, about Wendy’s and my age. The husband came home and was critical of his wife, he complained about little things, failed to see the products of all her hard work, focused on the dirty dished, the scattered toys, the uncooked dinner, he would criticize her until she would leave upstairs in the house to brush her children’s teeth in tears, feeling like a failure.  Dr. Phil sat the couple down and at the end of the show and said this, I am dictating it via my DVR because it hit a chord with me, and I found it to be beautifully said:

“your criticizing her is not going to work for you in the long term
if when you get through interacting with your wife
she feels worse about herself than when you started
you got a problem
because you are her soft place to fall
you are her partner in this world
you are the father of her children
you are the person who has her back
that protects her
nurtures her
that partners with her
gives and takes with her
if you are a source of pain for her because of your criticism
I can tell you in the long term
well there will be no long term”
I loved the statement you are her soft place to fall, don’t we all need this in our lives? I thought about how this not only pertains to our spouses but also to our loved ones, our kids. How often are we too critical? How often do we fail to remember to appreciate our family as we did so many years ago, love our wives like we did on our first date, appreciate our children like we did the very first time they wrapped their tiny little hands around our fingers. Embrace our children like they do us, with hands that wrap around our shoulder with such unconditional love.
We are their pillows, their soft places to fall.  We are there to nurture them,  to give and take with them, to be their partner s in this world, to protect them, to have their back.
Let’s leave our criticism at the door, because if we don’t as Dr Phil so eloquently said “I can tell you in the long term…. well…. there will be no long term.

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Comments

  1. Wonderful thoughts Stephen. We do need a soft place to fall. Some of us are not always so lucky and that proves Dr. Phil’s point that there will be no long term.

    It’s also important that we are willing to change. Like I told you many times, “My mom always said in her old age that she was too old to change.” I always told her that if we don’t change, we die, and she did far too young.