I’ve had a number of people talk to me about children who don’t respond to discipline.

For example, a child is misbehaving at the dinner table. You warn them and they continue. You ask him or her to leave the table and go to their room. Great deal, especially if they have a computer, stereo, or TV in their room. (Important Note: Children should not have these in their room. It’s a place to sleep, not a place to isolate themselves away from the family where you can’t see them or interact with them. I suppose it’s a good idea if you don’t want to spend time with your child, but then you’ll have to accept the consequences of your own lack of commitment to your children)

So what should you do with the bad behavior. My suggestion is not to send them to their room, but take their food away and make them stay at the table. If the bad behavior continues, move their chair about five feet from the table and make them sit there. If the bad behavior continues, make them stay in the kitchen after the family finishes dinner and goes about their business.

Note: This requires parental commitment. You must remain engaged and not be distracted from the task at hand. That’s what happens when you send them to their room or ask them to leave the table. Don’t lose your temper. Keep you tone of voice calm. Don’t let them know you’re rattled, even if you are. Kids aren’t stupid. They’ll have your number if you lose your temper or don’t commit yourself to their discipline. If you are single, you don’t have to work in cooperation with your spouse or partner, but if you’re married or have a partner, you need to sit down and talk about your strategy and agree to it. Otherwise, the child will divide and conquer.

Anyway, I’m a realist and it possible none of this will work. But no matter, you’ve maintained the upper hand. The child may start screaming and try to go their room. Don’t let them. Keep them with you and in your sight through the entire process. Lock the door to their bedroom so they cant get in it until bedtime. You could even let them watch TV with you. But you need to let them know that until they behave at mealtime, they will not have snacks. Let them know they will have a bowl of oatmeal for breakfast and a sandwich and apple for lunch. If the bad behavior continues at the next meal you eat together, set them at a table separate from the rest of the family. Keep in mind that a child is an eating machine. Timeouts, going to their room, spanking, and other such things will never work as well as depriving them of one of their primary needs, food. Of course they will be allowed to drink as much water as they’d like.

Some may cringe at the thought, but none of this is cruel and unusual punishment. You have not hit your child, screamed at them, belittled them, or insulted them. You have remained calm and committed.

Keep in mind that your child is testing your commitment. If you weaken, you will lose control and they are then controlling you. Hard to discipline children need to believe you mean business.

I only gave one example here, but all discipline amounts to nothing more than your commitment and involvement. Don’t lose sight of the fact you are an adult and they are children. They are clever, but your age and experience makes you cleverer.

Note: Initially this will require a great deal of your commitment, but once you’ve made your child believe you mean business and are committed their seeing their behavior improve, discipline will become easier over time, and you’ll only have to ask once or twice to do as you ask.

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Next post will be on spanking.