We just finished a wonderful meal of Swedish Pancakes. We watched as our daughter inhaled 5 of them, of course using her face and hands, not surprisingly in that order. It was delightful to see. She concluded the evening with a dance performance in the living room, complete with her newly discovered skill “the foreword roll” (i.e. summersaults). Kids when they smile do so in a way that is completely free of worry, when they laugh it is a bit deeper, and when they walk it is a bit more upright. As my dad has often said, “be as little children and you shall enter the kingdom of God”. It is in the eyes of children that I am convinced there is a kind and loving nature to this world, despite what we may see on the 6 o’clock news.
We have had just a wonderful week and our time spent in Seattle was really amazing. We drove up to Seattle in our parent’s car, when we arrived there we ate. We spent time with wonderful friends, we ate, we visited our old dorms and were surprised to see they had completely remodeled the old cafeteria so we decided we would eat. We bicycled on the Burt Gilman trail all the way to Kenmore, and afterwards we were famished, we ate. We woke up to the most beautiful sunrise, we enjoyed it over a splendid cup of coffee at a cafe in Pike Place Market, we ate a fabulous breakfast. We finished in the U-district and Gasworks Park. We admired the 360 degree view of the cascade mountains and Mount Rainier from atop the I5 bridge, we stopped for Chicken Teriyaki, and you guessed it we ate!
We have been back in Vancouver WA, the last several days. We have continued to enjoy the culinary delights, and best of all the time spent in community around this food. The main teaching point that I have realized in my recent reading about happiness and in my own endless pursuit, is that one cannot find happiness in isolation. Despite what we may think, when we connect with people it makes us feel connected to ourselves. Maybe it is irrational, and it is definitely not easy for most of us, but I have found that this involves reaching out to others at times when we may feel afraid, placing ourselves in uncomfortable situations, and putting ourselves out there to fail, and to be judged. But we also put ourselves out there to experience love, friendship, and a chance to live a fuller, more satisfying life. I am not sure if I have quoted this before but it is one of my favorites, it is from the book The Four Hour Workweek: “A person’s success in life can usually be measured by the number of uncomfortable conversations he or she is willing to have.” Unfortunately, as someone who is often times extremely self conscious, I make it a goal to avoid uncomfortable conversations. I have found that some of my greatest personal memories are from the times I was the least successful in accomplishing this goal.
It is a hard notion to swallow that we need and depend on others in many ways for our own happiness. This is not a weakness but a fundamental truth to being human. Deep down I want to deny this fact because it is the one that causes me the most anxiety, stepping outside of my comfort zone that is. But I am realizing that in order to build a home and find happiness we must develop a community. As I have traveled this last week I couldn’t help but think that if I just sold my home, if I just moved out of my current situation, to another state or maybe even another country I could be more happy. Part of this feeling is because since moving to Santa Cruz, I have failed to make any close personal friends. I was relieved and extremely blessed to have family move to the area, it gave me reason to climb back into my safe hole for a while, and avoid again having to have those uncomfortable conversations. What I am realizing is that until I can overcome my fear of being rejected, my deep rooted (yet often hidden) shyness (I tend to talk too much when I am self conscious) I will never really be able to find the happiness I seek. As we have made more money, moved out of dorms, joined less intramural sports, had less time outside of work, stayed on vacation at private hotels (instead of public hostels), had children that we can use as self distractions, we have in many ways unplugged ourselves from the very things that made us happy in the first place.
Moving I believe is not the answer, finding and eliminating stresses that makes us more prone to worry, can help (i.e. an oppressive mortgage payment). But this is not grounds I am realizing to uproot our lives. Plus my wife has been making personal connections and this is important, for both our happiness. As is the innate beauty of our surroundings that inspires us to live more simple and I believe fuller lives. Stepping out of my shell is difficult for the same reason my diabetic patients hate the idea of injecting insulin. The action itself is not really painful, and has incredible health benefits, yet the thought of the initial poke is often disabling. The key is to come to terms with this fact I guess, and overcome it, put myself out there; I am beginning to believe that this may be the true key not only to success, but also long term happiness.