My son and his family came to visit over the Labor Day Weekend. We went to see the famous waterfall near my home. We had to hike about a half mile and my son was carrying Lucca in a backpack. Lucca’s shoe dropped off when we stopped for a drink and my son looked down at my granddaughter and said, “Layla, would you please pick up Lucca’s shoe?” She folded her arms and turned her body back and forth to say no.
Stephen said, “Layla, I asked you nicely, would you please pick up Lucca’s shoe?” Again the body twisting.
I believe in the three strikes and you’re out principal of child discipline and Layla already had two strikes. Well, along came the interfering grandfather. (Refer to my comments later) “Layla, if you don’t pick up that shoe, you’re not going to the falls.” She bent over and picked up the shoe. Later in the day when we were ready to go home, Layla didn’t want to get in the car and my son said, “Layla, if you want ice cream, you need to get in the car. Otherwise you’re going to have to watch us eat all that delicious ice cream.” She jumped in the car.
These incidents go back to what I talked about once before, giving a child a choice. Pick up the shoe or not see the waterfall or get in the car or not get ice cream. The child makes the decision. Most of the time they will always choose the one we want.
My son showed courtesy and respect to his daughter when he asked, “Layla, would you please pick up Lucca’s shoe?” Next, he tried appealing to her desire to please her dad, “Layla, I asked you nicely. Would you please pick up Lucca’s shoe.” Neither worked. But it showed respect for Layla because he said please and tried to appeal to her desire to be good. What if he said, “Layla, pick up the shoe!” That’s a command, doesn’t respect the child, and gives a bad example. Of course, Layla can refuse just like she did my son’s respectful requests.
It’s possible that I was wrong stepping into the situation. But I did and don’t know what my son or daughter-in-law’s next move would have been because I took the choice out of their hands. They might have done the same thing I did. And of course, if Layla still refused to pick up the shoe after I gave her a choice, I had no idea if her parents would support my taking her back to the car instead of to the falls. There are pitfalls to grandparents stepping into these situations. In this case it worked well and showed my granddaughter respected me and believed Id follow through. That is a good thing. It’s important to have fun with your grandchildren, but we can’t let them believe that they can do anything they want.
If my son or I had said, “Layla, pick up the shoe,” and she refused, we’d be left with at least two choices. 1. We could pick the shoe up ourselves and let the incident go or spank her, hoping to force her into picking up the shoe, which she still might not do. And all we’ve managed to do is create anger in the child and in ourselves.
