For those who are reading this for the first time, I’ve been posting my Aunt Eleanor’s memoir to my writers’ blog. She’s 86 and has had polio since she was 4 months old. Italicized comments are mine. Read previous blog postings for more information. Video Links Videos 1 & 2 Videos 3, 4, & 5
Chapter 21
Mom Again
My Mom had been looking for a smaller home to buy and a short while after Fred and I got settled in ours, she found one to suit her just through the block from us. This turned out to be a great move for all concerned.
She had not yet retired from her job at the State Mental Hospital and was very active in her garden among other things. She was an avid knitter and crocheted a lot. She also liked the crossword puzzle in the local paper and had a group of women she played cards with on a weekly basis.
Her 70th birthday put a stop to her employment, as the State of California required retirement at age 70. She went to Sacramento to try to have this waived with no luck. So she swallowed her disappointment and put her mind on her hobbies.
There were lots of times when I got a real kick out of my Mom. It was almost like she didn’t remember I was “physically challenged.” For instance the day she called and asked me to come over and help her wallpaper her bedroom. That was real tricky, but we managed to get the job finished.
One afternoon when I was visiting her, I went into the kitchen to get her a cup of coffee and there was something slippery on the floor. My crutches went flying and I went down. When she came in to see what the racket was, I had managed to reach the cleaner under the sink and she found me wiping down the cupboards. ”What on earth are you doing?” “I didn’t want to waste a fall so I am wiping the cupboards.”
In our family and extended family we had four birthdays around the 20th of June. My Mom loved having an excuse for a party, so for quite a few years we would gather on her patio and have pot luck, invite friends and other family members and take care of Fred’s, Jim’s(friend), Marian’s,(niece) and Bob’s (friend) birthdays in one gala evening.
Another time is quite memorable: Fred and I were having our 25th anniversary. We had an Italian neighbor and she and I made tons of raviolis and gravy for this event. Of course we had everything that went with an Italian feast. My Mom invited Fred’s siblings and their families, our friends, Cousins, Aunt from Fresno, Cheryl (My aunt calls Cheryl her daughter, because she is like a daughter. She was the daughter of one of their neighbors when my aunt and uncle lived in Stockton), Harlan (Cheryl’s husband), and our friends Earl and Barb who were our favorite neighbors. It was certainly a great way to celebrate.
Barb was one of my best friends. We kept in touch even after I moved to the mountains. I had the pleasure of her and her brother, Bob, visiting me one day. Barb was one of the nicest people I have ever met. We miss her as much now, as we did when she passed away.
I called Mom every morning to check on her, also for us to compare the crossword puzzle from the newspaper that we both enjoyed doing.
One morning just after Fred had left for work she called me. This was unlike her, so I immediately was put on the alert. “Okay Mom, what is wrong? You do not sound as if you feel good.” It finally came out that she had been sick all night, but didn’t want to bother us. This was typical of her independent nature. Of course I immediately called her doctor and took her to the emergency. It wasn’t too many hours later she was in surgery having her gall bladder removed.
She stayed very independent until a cataract surgery went wrong and she had to quit driving. This was especially depressing to her as she had waited so long to be able to buy a car and learn to drive, which was when she was 65 years old. To have to quit in her middle 70’s was quite a shock. She was used to just getting in the car and driving to Fresno to visit her sister or up in the foothills to see my sister and her family. My Mom was also used to having very large disappointments and in a short time just accepting things as they were and forging ahead with some other project. The blessing was that I was nearby and able to help by taking her shopping, to doctor’s appointments or whatever came up. She had a next door neighbor who was a gem. Mona loved my mom and enjoyed going with us or doing just anything she could for her.
I would tell mom what time I would pick her up and just toot the horn and she would be ready and out the door. I was quite alarmed when one time she did not come out. I went in the house and she had fallen and hit her head on the corner of the TV. I told Mona to fix her a cup of tea while I called the doctor. Mom told me she wasn’t going to the doctor and I told her, “You have been taking care of me for years and it is now my turn to have you relax and let me take over”. I was surprised and glad as she just said, “Okay” and actually sounded relieved. From that time on she did not object to accepting my help and suggestions about her health.
Into her 80”s she would still want to paint a room or even the outside of her home. She got pretty cagey about getting things done one way or another. One day she called and told me she had put one picnic table on top of another and a ladder on top of that. This was so she could reach to paint the peak of the house. She was in her mid-eighties and didn’t need to be climbing one ladder much less having it on top of two tables. I told her absolutely do not climb up there. I immediately called my brother and asked him to come up on the weekend and help paint her house. Of course Fred was in on the painting also and I think I enlisted someone else too. You see, she knew I would not let her do what she was planning. She always knew I would find a way to get her project done.
On one occasion she was running out of yarn and really wanted to finish her project. She asked me if I would run over to the store and get her yarn. Of course I said yes, not realizing it was really raining out there. I went anyway, and when I came back to my car I slipped and fell in the gutter. There were several people that went by and looked at me, maybe they thought I was drunk. Finally the manager came out of the store and got me to my feet. I said don’t let go, I have to have my crutches, but he did. So I went down again. He got me into the car and I drove home. I realized I was not going to be able to get out of the car by myself, so I stopped and honked the horn in front of Barbara’s house. She came over, and luckily another friend stopped by, and between the two of them got me in the house and cleaned up. On our way to the doctor we delivered the yarn and my Mom was none the wiser temporarily.
This fall caused a lot of long lasting problems with my right arm. Also many doctor visits. It seems I had pulled a muscle out of its track. One doctor would tell me, “Be sure you use crutches in the proper way” and another doctor would tell me, “Don’t put any pressure on your arm”. I never regretted going for that yarn. I would do anything to help my Mom.
She didn’t get old and quit doing things like this until she was 89 and dying of cancer. Speaking of that, she was sitting looking at her draperies one day and this is a quote, “I need new draperies, but I am going to let the next owner worry about that.” She knew she didn’t have long, but she was still thinking and trying to make light of the future. She was a very special lady in the finest sense.
